Bottom 10: Where Jimbo Fisher can finally be appreciated

Inspirational thought of the week:

You indispensable deliberation connected a antithetic level, similar the CIA does.
We're done the looking solid here, people.
White is black.
And achromatic is white.

-- Kevin Costner arsenic Jim Garrison, "JFK"

Under the supervision of the reverse vampires,
they are forcing our parents to spell to furniture early,
In a fiendish crippled to destruct the repast of dinner!
We are done the looking solid here, people.

-- Milhouse Van Houten, "The Simpsons"

Here astatine Bottom 10 Headquarters, located successful Jeff Saturday's just-vacated wardrobe closet astatine ESPN, we spent past play crystalizing our already-strong feelings that erstwhile it comes to knowledge, we cognize nothing.

The Vanderbilt Commode Doors person been a mainstay of the 2022 Bottom 10, whether they were ranked oregon sitting connected the Waiting List, the losers of 26 consecutive SEC games agelong having enactment the "mean" successful "It Just Means More." Then they bushed No. 24 Kentucky successful Lexington.

It was conscionable 2 weeks agone that we promoted/demoted #gobc, aka Boston College, into these standings, aft 4 consecutive losses. Then they bushed No. 16 NC State.

By The Time I Get To Arizona knocked disconnected No. 12 UCLA. The Artist Formerly Known arsenic Pur-don't upset No. 21 Ill-ugh-noise. And successful Storrs, Connecticut, the squad we utilized to telephone U-Can't wholly U-Did, extinguishing the AP's 19th-ranked Liberty Flames to go vessel eligible for the archetypal clip successful 7 years.

Assume yes, ever https://t.co/9UL9iRZQQs

But to beryllium clear, this is nary conspiracy theory. This is real. The Bottom 10 multiverse is legit. We cognize this due to the fact that we walked done the looking glass. OK, we really walked into a sliding solid door, but erstwhile we were asked, "How galore fingers americium I holding up?" she decidedly had 12. We're definite of it.

With apologies to Dr. Steven Strange, Oliver Stone, erstwhile Alabama A&M backmost Aqeel Glass and Steve Harvey, present are the post-Week 11 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. UMess (1-9)

The Minutemen mislaid the Pillow Fight of Week astatine then-No. 8 Arkansaw State 35-33 erstwhile a precocious rally came up conscionable abbreviated -- like, fractional a gait abbreviated of a 2-point conversion that could person forced overtime. It was besides the 2nd clip successful 3 weeks that we had an unexpected Bottom 10 bureau newsman connected tract to ticker UMass lose. Now the Minutemen look an unexpected hostile successful the year's astir unexpected variation of the Pillow Fight of the Week. But to find retired who that foe shall be, you're gonna person to support speechmaking and hold a minute, man.

#Bottom10 Bureau Reporter Christopher checking successful from UMass astatine Arkansas State https://t.co/mhe7P1kXB0

2. US(notC)F (1-9)

The Bulls cashed successful their Bottom 10 Hey We Just Fired Our Coach FastPass 1 week agone and followed that up with a coach-less nonaccomplishment to SMU. Now they question to look Bottom 10 Waiting List subordinate Living connected Tulsa Time, which is inactive suffering from a wholly understandable year-long Myrtle Bowl title hangover.

3. Akronmonious (1-9)

The Zips dropped their location finale with a nonaccomplishment to Eastern Not Western Or Central Michigan, but their Bottom 10 rubric hopes took a deed erstwhile then-No. 7 Northern Ill-ugh-noise had the audacity to gain its 3rd triumph of the season, implicit Western Not Eastern Or Central Michigan. That stole immoderate zip from their Thanksgiving play play finale, which had had superior Bottom 10 Megabowl potential.

4. Colora-duh (1-9)

The Buffs continued their "How tin we assistance your Heisman candidate?" goodwill tour, arsenic they allowed a five-touchdown show by USC backmost Caleb Williams connected the heels of allowing a five-touchdown show by Oregon backmost Bo Nix. I'm nary Nostradamus, but I'm present to accidental that this play Washington backmost Michael Penix Jr. volition relationship for 5 touchdowns against the Buffs.

5. The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas (3-7)

Have you seen this inclination wrong collegiate athletics wherever large donors person coaching positions and adjacent full presumption groups named for them? For example, Stanford caput manager David Shaw is the Bradford M. Freeman Director of Football and Notre Dame's Tommy Rees is the John and Bobbie Arlotta Family Offensive Coordinator/Quarterbacks Coach. Well, we'd similar to widen an invitation to our friends successful College Station to marque this the John James "Jimbo" Fisher Jr. Coveted Fifth Spot. Perhaps we could marque the announcement during halftime of this weekend's Pillow Fight of the Week vs. UMass.

6. North by Northworstern (1-9)

Shoutout to backmost successful the time -- like, I dunno, 2 years ago? -- erstwhile the Mildcats would look astatine regular season-ending matchups with Purdue and Illinois and already beryllium buying bottles of sunscreen for their inevitable vacation travel to a Florida vessel game. Now they are looking astatine those games and are already buying bottles of Lysol for their inevitable vacation travel to an Evanston toilet bowl.

7. Whew Mexico No-bos (2-9)

The Mountain West penetration of these rankings begins New Mexico Not New Mexico State, who person mislaid 7 successful a enactment and already person their Bottom 10 eyes trying to absorption connected 2 weeks from present erstwhile they look Colorado State. But ...

8. No-vada (2-8)

Colorado State isn't ranked successful this spot due to the fact that it bushed Nevada backmost successful Week 5 and the precise adjacent week the Oof Pack mislaid to ...

9. Huh-why-yuh (2-9)

The Warriors person won lone doubly this year, but 1 of those was that Week 5 triumph implicit Nevada, which they instantly followed up with a nonaccomplishment to ...

10. Colora-duh State (2-8)

So, to recap, the Rams bushed Hawai'i and Nevada and volition big New Mexico successful the Black Friday play finale. Our program to benignant it each retired is to bribe the radical implicit astatine ESPN Stats & Information research, begging them to input each of this into their computers to spot what FPI says astir it. Bribe them with what? Some deep-fried Cajun turkey leftovers from Thanksgiving. Have you ever seen the occurrence that erupts from 1 of those fryers if you don't thaw the turkey each the way? That's precisely what that FPI instrumentality is gonna look similar erstwhile the Mountain West is done with it.

Waiting list: Charlotte 2-and-9ers, Arkansaw State, Texas State Armadillos, Virginia Tech No-kies, Old Duh-minion, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Western Not Eastern Or Central Michigan, Temple of Doom, some sides of the Big Game.