Advice | Ask Sahaj: My parents are 'obsessing' over who I marry - The Washington Post

Now my parents are obsessing implicit maine uncovering a spouse to settee down with, specifically idiosyncratic who works successful medicine, is Indian, and is of a definite faith. While I've been putting myself retired there, the metropolis I unrecorded successful does not person a ample South Asian population. My parents person hinted that erstwhile I crook 27, they volition look into getting a matrimony broker from India to acceptable thing up.

I emotion my existent occupation and the enactment I do. I bought a location present with the volition of planting roots, and could spot myself spending the remainder of my beingness here. However, with the accent of trying to find idiosyncratic to day for marriage, I’m considering moving determination with a larger South Asian colonisation conscionable to springiness myself a changeable earlier I’m forced into an arranged marriage. With the circumstantial demands my parent has, I don’t person a ton of anticipation of being capable to find a spouse successful my existent city. What bash I do?

— Struggling

Struggling: One of the biggest questions I person aft speechmaking your question is: Do you privation to find a superior narration oregon get married? You sermon this contented solely from the unit you are absorbing from your parents.

It’s wide however eagerly you privation to marque your parents happy, but you are navigating a struggle of values — loyalty to your parents and happiness successful your existent life. I tin consciousness however overmuch hostility this has created for you.

It’s hard to beryllium the “first” to bash things successful your family, and you are pushing the envelope by teaching your parents that determination is simply a antithetic mode to live. It seems similar they came astir to respect your career, truthful there’s grounds that they tin beryllium swayed and do, successful fact, privation you to beryllium happy.

If you are struggling to conscionable radical (and want to), you tin inquire friends to acceptable you up. You tin besides see definite dating apps that are specifically for South Asians and Indians. You could widen your settings to see different locations earlier deciding to move. This whitethorn assistance you research what the prospects are similar successful different cities without making an impulsive determination that whitethorn not pb to your perfect outcome.

I promote you to differentiate what you privation from what your parents want. Hypothetically, if your parents weren’t pressuring you, what would beryllium your ideal goals, values, and narration needs? This whitethorn consciousness uncomfortable to explore, but it separates what is expected of you from what you really want. Once you bash that, you whitethorn consciousness better-equipped to commencement identifying your non-negotiables from what you’re consenting to judge and do.

Regardless, it mightiness beryllium worthy having a much susceptible speech with your parents astir their expectations and astir however they’re impacting you. Often, parents bash privation the champion for their kid, but from what I’ve observed successful my work, migrant parents whitethorn person to beryllium convinced that we tin marque these choices for ourselves.

Your parents dependable similar they are coming from a framework of notation that is constricted to what they person known successful their ain lives and circles. So, to them, being a doc oregon being joined to a doc whitethorn beryllium the lone mode to beryllium financially secure. Or, being joined by 30 is the lone mode to warrant uncovering an acceptable partner. Or, marrying wrong your race, culture, and religion is the lone mode to support connections to your taste roots. It’s important for you to face these fears to determination the speech successful a antithetic direction.

There’s nary casual reply here, but you wrote successful due to the fact that you are stuck, and the lone mode to get unstuck is to excavate a spot deeper to what you really want, what you’re frightened volition hap if you talk up for it, and what this mightiness mean for your narration with your parents.