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1 year ago
50
Dear Miss Manners: After a spat with my wife, I brought location a bouquet of flowers arsenic a bid offering. She thanked maine and acceptable them aside.
After a mates of hours, I noticed that the flowers were inactive connected the counter, and I asked wherefore they weren’t successful a vase. She said it was my work to enactment them successful a vase to implicit the gesture. I told her I thought she should enactment them successful a vase to amusement her appreciation.
Which is it? When giving a bouquet of flowers, does the giver person to enactment them successful a vase to implicit the gift?
On a akin note, my woman says that for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, anniversaries oregon Mother’s Day, flowers person to beryllium delivered by a florist to number arsenic thoughtful. I deliberation handing idiosyncratic flowers, oregon having them waiting successful a vase connected a table, besides shows thought.
With each owed respect to your wife, Miss Manners thinks she has immoderate precise circumstantial and peculiar ideas astir what constitutes thoughtfulness successful angiosperm giving.
Does she deliberation that radical who bring them to meal parties should firearm done their hosts' cabinets to find a vase? Granted, this tin beryllium an awkward task for a engaged host, but surely that is not the solution. And bringing flowers oneself is decidedly much idiosyncratic and thoughtful than having a florist present them. The accompanying enactment is truthful often mistaken for the receipt — oregon suspiciously composed successful a stranger's handwriting.
But Miss Manners surely does not privation to commencement different statement — if lone due to the fact that the apology protocol would beryllium acold excessively complicated.
Dear Miss Manners: My daughter’s bridesmaids were preparing to propulsion her a bridal ablution erstwhile a comparative from the groom’s broadside offered to propulsion the lawsuit herself astatine her home. She has a alternatively ample house, suitable for large parties, and we’ve been told she enjoys hosting specified events.
Before we knew it, the bridal ablution turned into a co-ed wedding shower. The hostess has present attempted to delegate the pistillate members of the bridal enactment items to bring: each the alcohol, garnishes/juices, games, impermanent favors and prizes for the crippled winners. The bridesmaids were shocked to larn that they were besides expected to acceptable up, decorate, serve, teardrop down, lavation dishes, etc.
It's not that they don't privation to help, but that they weren't asked. There was nary connection astatine each until 2 weeks anterior to the party, erstwhile they each received a database of duties and supplies. And the men of the wedding enactment haven't been asked to assistance a finger.
The women person politely responded that they are anxious to help, but they made it wide what they would beryllium doing. They assigned themselves the roles they are consenting to play for the hostess to enactment around. Are they right?
Impeccably so. Miss Manners concedes that this hostess could alteration the quality of the party, but past she does not besides get to workplace retired the responsibilities and expenses. That these assignments were besides sexist conscionable makes them much unsavory.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday done Saturday connected washingtonpost.com/advice. You tin nonstop questions to Miss Manners astatine her website, missmanners.com. You tin besides travel her @RealMissManners.
©2022, by Judith Martin
English (US)