Baby loss: 'We weren't told why our daughter had died'

Two couples from West Lothian person spoken to the BBC astir their experiences of losing a baby.

One mates were bereaved earlier this twelvemonth - the different successful 1971, erstwhile determination was virtually nary enactment with the grieving process.

The assistance disposable now, they agree, makes each the quality successful acknowledging their babies were erstwhile here.

To this day, Joy and Norman Cummings bash not cognize wherefore their babe miss died successful August 1971.

Joy, 77, said she was alert the kid had been precise unwell during the commencement - but lone aboriginal recovered retired she had lived for six hours.

"The doctors came in, they told america [about the death] and that was all," Joy said. "You got nary much information. Nobody came to spot you oregon speech astir it."

Norman, 78, added: "I got the accidental to look done a solid into intensive attraction and it was conscionable a babe lying with oxygen and tubes. They said she lone had a fewer hours to live.

"That was each I got to spot - 4 oregon 5 minutes astatine the most."

At the time, Norman said his woman had been near unsocial overmuch of the clip instantly aft the loss.

He, meanwhile, had to put the child's ceremonial - which Joy could not be arsenic she was recovering successful hospital.

Joy said: "We ne'er talked astir what would beryllium done. Now they person idiosyncratic that helps you put these things. That would person been nice.

"You didn't cognize what to bash really, you conscionable knew you were going location and determination would beryllium nary baby."

The deficiency of acknowledgment that their kid had lived continued erstwhile speaking to loved ones.

They named their babe Pauline, but rapidly recovered determination were fewer opportunities to talk the connection aloud owed to discomfort astir the taxable of loss.

"You conscionable fastener it away," Joy said. "You met radical and you tried to debar speaking astir what had happened. People didn't [talk astir it] due to the fact that I deliberation they thought they were hurting you."

"I accidental it's been held wrong america for years," Norman added. "It was much oregon little get backmost to work, marque a surviving and get connected with it."

For years, Norman felt the acquisition of losing a kid was 1 large blur. But helium said helium feels pieces of the acquisition coming backmost aft speaking to Held In Our Hearts - a section foundation that provides babe nonaccomplishment counselling and adjacent support.

He is unsure whether talking astir Pauline aft 50 years has been beneficial. It has been painful, similar "opening an aged wound", helium said.

But helium added: "I accidental if we had got assistance oregon it had been discussed a agelong clip ago, it mightiness person helped."

On 10 May this year, aft 30 hours of labour, Laura Hain said she was fixed the worst quality a genitor could receive.

Her girl Ivy nary longer had a heartbeat and she would beryllium delivered stillborn by C-section.

The 33-year-old had carried the babe to afloat word and thought it had been a cleanable pregnancy.

Quietly, unit astatine St John's Hospital successful Livingston enactment the mates successful interaction with the Held In Our Hearts charity.

It was a tiny gesture, but 1 that helped the mates marque choices and sphere memories during the astir hard clip of their lives.

"We got to walk a week with her successful a cuddle cot," said Laura. "It's cooled down truthful you tin walk longer with your baby."

Jonny, 33, added: "It was the longest week of our lives - but we wouldn't alteration it, it was truthful special."

The mates were among the archetypal parents to person the charity's caller Hospital to Home work - a exemplary of enactment that reaches retired to families astatine the clip of bereavement, alternatively than waiting for parents to inquire for help.

It linked Laura and Jonny with a enactment worker, who not lone met Ivy and held her, but visited the mates astatine location aft they said goodbye to their daughter.

"She gave america proposal connected things we could bash to marque the astir of our time, similar work her stories, constitute a diary and instrumentality arsenic galore pictures arsenic we could," Laura said.

"It conscionable tries to get you retired into the satellite again. It's truthful casual to adjacent the doors and curtains. But the assistance we've had since time 1 has allowed america to effort and relation without Ivy.

"I don't cognize wherever we'd beryllium without it."

If you are affected by issues raised successful this nonfiction assistance and enactment is disposable via the BBC Action Line.

Nicola Welsh, main enforcement of Held In Our Hearts, told BBC Scotland the wellness work had travel a agelong mode from Joy and Norman's experience.

However, she said determination was inactive a spread betwixt the "fantastic" enactment offered successful infirmary and the isolation of beingness aft loss.

She said: "To this day, families instrumentality location to an bare nursery and a leaflet oregon a notation of a foundation successful their area.

"But the strategy doesn't actively prosecute by stepping successful astatine that time.

"I conscionable deliberation we request to spot it otherwise - possibly if we saw this arsenic a situation successful someone's beingness alternatively than thing bittersweet that's happened we mightiness enactment quicker."