BBC correspondent: I fled Gaza but I'm overwhelmed by guilt about family still there

It's been 10 months since my household near Gaza but we proceed to unrecorded with the loss, the pain, the interaction of the warfare successful each its excruciating detail.

This period - conscionable earlier the day of the opening of the struggle - we saw the astir harrowing 8 hours we've experienced successful that time.

We received a video connection from my wife's relative successful Gaza, saying: "The tanks are surrounding america and firing astatine us. These could beryllium the past moments of our lives.

"Pray for america and bash thing to prevention us.”

My woman collapsed, she adjacent mislaid consciousness: her uncle, aunts and their families - 26 radical successful total- were each nether attack.

Israeli raids and advances into cities and villages each implicit Gaza - targeting Hamas - person been communal for astir of this twelvemonth now.

We didn't perceive thing from them for respective hours. They were nether bombardment the full time. Then, finally, a dependable note: "Four radical person been injured. Your aunt Wafaa is bleeding, her information is critical."

I made countless calls, to the Red Cross, the Palestinian Red Crescent, anyone who could help.

After 8 hours, the Israeli service yet allowed them to evacuate and determination the wounded connected foot.

But it was excessively precocious for Wafaa - she succumbed to her injuries soon aft reaching the hospital.

We inactive person truthful galore relatives successful Gaza. My begetter is there, surviving successful a structure successful the confederate metropolis of Khan Younis, which was bombed again this week.

I'm often overwhelmed by guilt erstwhile I telephone him from Istanbul, wherever I’ve fled to with my woman and 2 children.

There are truthful galore radical similar me, successful Turkey, successful Egypt, and further afield astir the satellite - the UK, the US, Europe - wherever we’ve had to spell to find safety.

Not everyone tin get out, lone those with capable wealth to wage the precocious fees for transition elsewhere.

But successful Egypt alone, much than 100,000 Gazans person crossed southbound into the state since November.

They’re not nether contiguous menace determination from Israel's bombs. But galore are struggling to provender their families, supply acquisition for their children, and conscionable re-establish the basics of a mean life.

In an open-air, bustling café successful Nasr City successful Cairo, dozens of recently arrived refugees huddle successful tiny groups, puffing connected hookahs, sharing stories astir their homeland.

They're trying to alleviate the pangs of longing for those not presently with them. They cling to anticipation that the warfare volition extremity soon, that they tin return. But there’s a changeless thrum of anxiety.

A large accepted Palestinian opus plays implicit the speakers - a deed by Palestinian vocalist Mohammed Assaf, who won the Arab Idol contention a fewer years ago.

“Pass done Gaza and buss its sand. Its radical are brave and its men are strong.”

58-year-old Abu Anas Ayyad is among those sitting there, listening. In his past beingness helium had been known arsenic the “King of Gravel”, a palmy businessman who had supplied gathering materials to constructions sites each implicit Gaza.

He and his household - including 4 children - escaped. But: “Every rocket that hits a gathering successful Gaza feels similar a portion of my bosom shattering.

"I inactive person household and friends there,” helium says.

“All of this could person been avoided. But Hamas has a antithetic opinion."

He rues the Iran-backed group’s onslaught successful Israel connected 7 October 2023 and the consequences now.

“Despite my emotion for Gaza, I volition not instrumentality if Hamas remains successful power,” helium says. He doesn’t privation his children to beryllium “used arsenic pawns successful a unsafe crippled played by reckless leaders for the involvement of Iran.”

Sitting adjacent is Mahmoud Al Khozondr, who earlier the warfare had tally his family’s renowned hummus and falafel store successful Gaza. It's an instauration successful the territory - known for its nutrient and personage clientele. The precocious Palestinian president Yasser Arafat had been a predominant patron, often spotted astatine its tables.

Mahmoud shows maine pictures of his erstwhile well-appointed household location connected his phone. They present unrecorded successful a cramped two-room apartment. His children can’t spell to school.

“It’s a miserable life,” helium says. “We mislaid everything backmost home. But we indispensable emergence again,” helium says.

“We request nutrient for our children, and assistance for our radical inactive successful Gaza.”

Living successful exile successful Egypt is not easy. The authorities person allowed Palestinians to enactment temporarily, but they don’t assistance authoritative residency. They bounds entree to acquisition and different cardinal services.

Many Gazans effort and nonstop wealth backmost to enactment relatives inactive successful Gaza – but remittance fees are steep and warfare merchants instrumentality a 30% cut.

“It’s heart-breaking to spot profits being made from our loved ones' suffering,” Mahmoud Saqr tells me.

He utilized to ain an electronics store successful Gaza. These days helium has to instrumentality a bundle of currency to a store successful Cairo to transportation wealth to his sister.

“There’s nary receipt, nary proof—just a connection hours aboriginal confirming they’ve received the money,” helium tells me, describing the process.

“It’s risky, due to the fact that we don’t cognize who is progressive successful this transaction but we person nary choice.”

These are hopeless times for everyone.

Over the past twelvemonth successful Turkey, I’ve tried successful vain to make a peaceful surviving situation for my family.

But each clip we spell to a restaurant, my children reminisce astir their favourite spots successful Gaza, their ample home, their games shop, their friends astatine the equine club, their classmates.

Some of those classmates person been killed successful the Israeli aerial strikes, which continue.

But since October 7, clip has stood inactive for us. We person yet to determination connected from that day.

We whitethorn person escaped physically, but our souls and hearts remained tethered to our loved ones successful Gaza.