Bottom 10: Jimbo Fisher and the Aggie-ny of defeat

Inspirational thought of the week:

Oh, clasp him, darling
Please clasp him tight
And brushwood the teardrop from your eye
You weep due to the fact that you had a imagination past night
You dreamed that helium said goodbye

Hush hush, saccharine Charlotte
Charlotte, don't you cry
Hush hush, saccharine Charlotte
He'll emotion you till helium dies

-- "Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte," Patti Page

Here astatine Bottom 10 Headquarters, located down the affluent mahogany bookcase wherever Gene Wojciechowski keeps leather-bound volumes of his "College GameDay" diagnostic scripts, we walk our autumn weekends connected the roadworthy watching games, but walk astir of our weekdays bunkered successful astatine the Bottom 10 basement location office.

For those who don't know, that's successful Charlotte, aka besides the location of the Charlotte 49ers, aka the lone FBS squad located 10 miles from my house. That surviving concern tin get a small awkward. Like having to inactive stock an flat with the recently erstwhile important different that you caught making retired with your champion friend, Tommy, astatine your day party, due to the fact that neither 1 of you tin spend to determination out. No substance however hard you mightiness effort to debar each other, there's nary mode to dodge those accidental and overtly uncomfortable encounters successful the kitchen, lasting successful soundlessness astatine the land waiting connected the java shaper to finish, but some of your skulls echoing with the words that you screamed astatine that party, "YOU ARE THE WORST! LIKE, RANKED NO. 1 AMONG THE 10 WORST THINGS IN OUR WORLD!"

That's what it is similar for maine astatine the market store, the state station, adjacent astatine religion whenever the Niners are ranked successful the Bottom 10. And they person been a lot. On Monday, aft Charlotte fired caput manager Will Healy, everyone knew what had to beryllium done. Especially the feline successful enactment down maine astatine Starbucks with his 2019 Bahamas Bowl Runner-Up sweatshirt on, angrily staring astatine maine implicit the apical of his grande pumpkin spice latte. We mightiness arsenic good person been exes successful an flat kitchen.

"I already cognize you're gonna person america No. 1," helium grumbled. Then helium acceptable down his reddish capsicum ovum achromatic bite, raised a fist and dilatory cranked up a mediate finger. "Well, conjecture what? So are you."

With apologies to Peter Quill, Will Healy and Steve Harvey, present are the post-Week 8 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. Charlotte 1-and-7ers (1-7)

Coach-less Charlotte travels to Houston to look Rice, an hostile that utilized to beryllium a Bottom 10 mainstay and a near-instant W for immoderate visitor, but these Owls are 4-3 and it has been a Texas-sized infinitesimal since they were successful these rankings. On the agleam side, whenever a squad from the hometown of Bojangles goes to a spot named Rice, you cognize what that means? Dirty Rice for all!

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2. Akronmonious (1-6)

The Zips mislaid the Wagon Wheel to State of Kent for the 4th consecutive year. The bully quality for Kent is it present has a afloat acceptable of wheels. The atrocious quality for the Zips is that their wagon was near up connected blocks successful the parking batch and they had to locomotion the 10 miles backmost to Akron.

3. No-vada (2-6)

The Oof Pack continues to autumn done these rankings similar my recognition standing whenever I sojourn the authorities of Nevada. They've present mislaid six straight, including back-to-back losses to then-top/bottom 2 Bottom 10 opponents. Reno casinos don't person windows truthful that patrons suffer way of time, and it so seems similar an eternity since Nevada opened the play with a triumph implicit New Mexico State. Speaking of the Other Aggies ...

4. UMess (1-6)

Not truthful agelong agone we had circled successful imperishable marker this weekend's matchup betwixt the Minutemen and New Mexico State arsenic a imaginable Pillow Fight of the Year of the Century Mega Bowl, but past NMSU went and won 2 retired of three. How situation they! But, successful a crippled twist-a-roo, UMass mightiness inactive person a PFOTYOTCMB connected the schedule. No, it isn't the games against UCan't oregon Arkansaw State. It's the Nov. 19 tilt against different acceptable of Aggies. These guys ...

5. Agricultural & Mechanical College of Texas (3-4)

As a kid, I saved wealth for months from doing chores astir the house, washing cars astir the neighborhood, adjacent scrounging up bottles from astir municipality to get the deposit change. Why? To bargain a peculiar spy X-ray camera that I saw advertised successful the backmost of a comic book. My dada warned maine not to judge it, that possibly my clip and dollars were amended spent elsewhere, saying, "It'll conscionable beryllium different inexpensive portion of integrative similar each of the different worldly you bought, similar the sneakers that were going to marque you tally faster and the rubber bands that were going to marque your muscles look similar Superman's." But, undeterred, I kept going backmost to that ad, the 1 that promised that this would beryllium different, yet a foolproof pathway to unimaginable superpowers. When the spy X-ray camera arrived, it was so conscionable different portion of plastic. Also, Texas A&M.

6. North by Northworstern (1-6)

This period the Mildcats person mislaid to Wisconsin, a squad that forgot to bring a caput coach; Maryland, a squad that has forgotten what league it's expected to beryllium in, and present faces Iowa, a squad that has forgotten that its stadium has extremity zones.

7. US(notC)F (1-6)

This play the Bulls footwear disconnected successful Houston astatine noon ET, 2 hours earlier Charlotte plays astatine Rice, which is lone 5 miles away. If they suffer to the Cougars, they should thrust implicit to Rice Stadium, bargain a clump of tickets and watch, but support their uniforms on. That mode if Charlotte loses too, USF could conscionable tally retired onto the tract to the "West Side Story" rumble opus and situation the Niners to the first-ever Impromptu Pillow Fight of the Week.

8. Huh-why-yuh (2-6)

Two weeks ago, the Warriors climbed retired of the No. 2 Bottom 10 spot by beating Nevada. But they followed that up by losing to Colorado State, who 3 weeks agone climbed retired of the No. 1 Bottom 10 spot by beating Nevada. Remember, Nevada started the play with a triumph implicit New Mexico State and knocked it into the No. 1 top/bottom spot, but past NMSU climbed retired of that spot by beating ... Hawai'i. Have you seen the caller "Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania" trailer? Janet van Dyne, aka Michelle Pfeiffer, explains, "It's a concealed beingness located beneath ours." You thought she was talking astir the Quantum realm? No, she's describing the Mountain West.

9. Colora-duh (1-6)

The lack of Colorado State from these rankings makes country for the Rams' hated neighbors to the south, who followed up their emotional, shocking archetypal triumph of the play astatine Cal with an emotional, shocking 33-point nonaccomplishment astatine Oregon State. Now the Buffs invited Bottom 10 Wait Listers Arizona Skate for a crippled that is besides shocking successful that it kicks disconnected astatine 7:30 p.m. ET. It feels much apropos to springiness this a #Pac12AfterDark clip slot truthful that it tin aerial alongside 1-900 chatline ads and Jim Bakker's infomercials selling doomsday barrels of pancake batter.

10. ULM (pronounced "Uhlm") (2-6)

The Fightin' Terry Bowdens person softly piecemealed an awesome Bottom 10 résumé, a tally that began with a 17-point Week 5 nonaccomplishment to then-one-win Arkansaw State and astir precocious a 24-point shelling from the tanks of then-two-win Army. The adjacent 2 weeks bring in-conference matchups with a brace of chap #FunBelt members with 1 league win, the Texas State Armadillos and Georgia State Not Southern. Then the WarHocks to adjacent the twelvemonth with pugnacious outings against Troy, which leads the Sun Belt West division, and Southern Miss, which is presently 2nd successful the part and archetypal successful the federation successful unwanted headlines created by guys who played backmost astatine their schoolhouse successful the precocious 1980s.

Waiting list: Georgia State Not Southern, FI(not A)U, Whew Mexico, Whew Mexico State, Temple of Doom, Living connected Tulsa Time, Arizona Skate, Virginia Tech Nokies, Arkan-saw State, Northern Ill-ugh-noise, Central not Western oregon Eastern Michigan, Lose-iana Tech, governmental ads interrupting shot games.