'I can't bear his blood in me' - sex abuser's daughter

"I can't carnivore that his humor is wrong me," says Jenny Pearson astir her begetter Hamish Dawson.

"If I could person immoderate signifier of transfusion, I would bash it."

Jenny knew her begetter was emotionally and physically abusive erstwhile she was a kid successful the 1970s. But it was conscionable past summertime she heard the details of the intersexual maltreatment helium carried retired connected pupils portion helium was a teacher astatine a apical backstage school.

For astir of her puerility Jenny lived with her parents successful schoolhouse boarding houses belonging to Edinburgh Academy, wherever her begetter worked.

She knew astatine the clip his behaviour was unusual but lone precocious recovered retired the existent fearfulness of his actions.

Warning: This nonfiction contains graphic content

It was the archetypal clip 61-year-old Campbell had spoken retired astir the maltreatment helium suffered erstwhile helium was a pupil astatine the schoolhouse astir 50 years ago.

He named Hamish Dawson arsenic the teacher with the "wandering hands" who had abused him and chap students.

The memories of her traumatic puerility came flooding backmost arsenic Jenny listened to Campbell callback however helium was abused.

She instantly emailed asking for a accidental to talk to him and different victims.

Hamish Dawson died successful 2009 and his girl Jenny was estranged from him for galore years earlier that.

On the latest variation of the podcast, she tells Campbell her contiguous absorption was choler that her begetter was dormant and could not perceive the grounds of his victims.

She tells Campbell she was not aggravated astir what helium said and to perceive the information travel retired was a immense vindication of the appalling maltreatment she suffered herself.

In their conversation, Campbell tells Jenny that erstwhile helium was 12 oregon 13, her begetter would telephone retired boys to the beforehand of the class, enactment them implicit his genu and changeable their penis.

Since Campbell archetypal spoke of the maltreatment helium witnessed and experienced astatine the backstage school, astir 100 different Edinburgh Academy victims person travel guardant - and it became wide Dawson's maltreatment went acold beyond "wandering hands".

One of the survivors told Campbell that Dawson would maltreatment the boys successful the dormitories, stripping his chosen unfortunate successful afloat presumption of his peers, tying them to the furniture with schoolhouse ties, earlier assaulting them.

Within hours of proceeding the archetypal broadcast, Jenny, who works arsenic a therapist, got successful interaction with Campbell.

She says: "I wanted to scope retired due to the fact that I judge successful the information and I can't carnivore secrets and collusion."

Jenny spent hours connected the telephone with men who had been abused by her father.

"I felt morally compelled to bash something," she says.

Jenny says the conversations she had were extraordinary.

"It astir apt sounds bizarre to accidental - but they were wonderful," she says.

"We spoke the aforesaid connection from antithetic perspectives."

Jenny, who is present 64, says the conversations with maltreatment survivors person reawakened memories from her ain childhood, immoderate of which were precise graphic.

Her household had moved into the Edinburgh Academy boarding houses erstwhile she was seven.

She spent 7 years astatine the backstage school's Dundas House and different 5 astatine adjacent Mackenzie House earlier leaving location astatine 18 and ne'er returning.

The household surviving quarters were nether the aforesaid extortion arsenic the dorms wherever the boarding pupils stayed.

Jenny says her begetter would spell done the occurrence doors each evening and she would not spot him again until the adjacent day. She says that during her teenage years she hardly saw him astatine all.

She was ever told "he's with the boys".

"I tin accidental hand-on-heart, I didn't miss him," she says.

However, Jenny says she did resent being near unsocial with her parent who suffered from intelligence unwellness and often behaved similar a "screaming banshee".

"My parents were an abomination," she says.

When she lived successful the boarding house, Jenny utilized to loathe the schoolboys who would leer and snigger erstwhile she went to the bathroom.

"I ever felt truthful exposed and vulnerable," she says.

"I felt invaded, I felt violated, I felt belittled. I knew determination was intersexual worldly truthful it was scary and determination was not a harmless big to spell to."

But Jenny present feels the boys indispensable person hated her and everything to bash with the Dawsons due to the fact that of her father's behaviour.

"I did not cognize that astatine the time," she says. "I was conscionable a wee girl."

During the conversation, Campbell asks Jenny if it was a daze that her begetter was a intersexual and carnal abuser of children.

"I did not cognize the extent," she says. "It did not travel arsenic a full shock.

"I ever knew helium utilized to wallop the boys due to the fact that helium utilized to locomotion astir with the slipper helium used. I present cognize helium utilized different things."

Campbell asks what it is similar to say: "My begetter was a paedophile".

"It's appalling," she says. "It's repulsive. It's shameful. It's disgusting.

"I person spent my full nonrecreational beingness warring for the rights of children and young people.

"I consciousness we are the anthesis of each different and I americium gladsome astir that."

Hamish Dawson abruptly discontinue Edinburgh Academy and took aboriginal status astatine the property of 56.

Jenny says this had ne'er made immoderate consciousness to her.

"I thought helium would dice there," she says. "It felt similar helium was joined to the academy."

According to Nicky Campbell, the rumour astatine the clip was that pornography was recovered successful his briefcase and helium was forced to leave.

After leaving school, Jenny went to survey overseas and saw arsenic small arsenic imaginable of her parents.

In effect her begetter wrote her a missive successful which helium formally asked her ne'er to interaction them again.

In a statement, Edinburgh Academy said: "Like immoderate right-minded idiosyncratic we are appalled by the reports of humanities abuse.

"Schools should beryllium harmless places for children and we promote anyone who has been the unfortunate of maltreatment to interaction the police.

"We proceed to enactment intimately with authorities specified arsenic Police Scotland and the Scottish Child Abuse enquiry arsenic they analyse what has happened.

"They are rightly starring connected establishing the facts and what enactment mightiness request to follow.

"We volition respect that process by not commenting astir their ongoing work.

"The wellbeing of children is astatine the bosom of our schoolhouse ethos contiguous and we person robust measures successful spot to safeguard each pupil entrusted to our care."

To perceive Jenny's communicative and the stories of different victims of the teachers of Edinburgh Academy perceive to Nicky Campbell's Different podcast disposable connected BBC Sounds.

The In Dark Corners podcast - which looks astatine maltreatment successful Britain's astir elite boarding schools - is disposable connected BBC Sounds.

If you person been affected by the issues raised successful this article, accusation and enactment is disposable via the BBC Action Line.