Ian Roberts: The double life and singular purpose of a rugby league legend

Roberts became the highest-paid subordinate successful Australian Rugby League erstwhile helium controversially switched from South Sydney Rabbitohs to Manly Sea Eagles successful 1990

It was arsenic if Mick Potter had disappeared.

The next, helium was gone. In his place, determination was lone a cloud of adust ungraded and a mound of tangled limbs.

As the particulate settled, the origin became clear. Ian Roberts, 6ft 4in tall, 16st strong, stood implicit Potter. He barked astatine his floored hostile to get to his feet and play the ball. He turned to his Manly team-mates and exhorted them to travel his lead.

Australian rugby league successful the aboriginal 1990s was an unforgiving schoolhouse of hard knocks, pugnacious men and scant sympathy.

And Roberts sat close astatine its apex.

An Australia international, a State of Origin regular, helium was the highest-paid subordinate successful the state aft moving from South Sydney Rabbitohs successful a woody that earned him a reported 4th of a cardinal dollars a year.

"My work-rate was ever truly high," Roberts tells BBC Sport arsenic helium looks backmost much than 30 years on.

"I had a precocious tackle number and large yardage play successful presumption of hitting the shot up.

"I could offload and I has immoderate different skills arsenic good - I was bully nether a precocious ball.

"By the clip I was playing for Manly, I was overmuch much of an enforcer.

"I had matured successful presumption of my ain assurance and I became renowned for my assertive benignant of defence."

But determination was a antithetic broadside to Roberts.

In the footwear of his car, adjacent to his kit bag, was different holdall. Inside, alternatively of the boots and muddy shorts, mightiness beryllium a neat navy-style overgarment and a brace of silk parachute pants.

After his Saturday day connected the pitch, Roberts would walk Saturday nighttime connected Oxford Street, Sydney's cheery quarter.

"There I recovered the radical I admired most," Roberts says.

"The trans people, guys doing drag, conscionable cheery radical connected the thoroughfare doing their thing, surviving beingness and surviving large.

"I utilized to beryllium successful awe of these radical and their consciousness of spot and power.

"But it utilized to truly messiness with my head. I would consciousness specified a fraud, due to the fact that I would beryllium pretending to beryllium this different person."

The pretence was astir over, though. Roberts' sexuality was, successful his words, the "the worst-kept concealed successful rugby league".

The drip-drip of leaks were astir to crook into a watershed, not lone for Roberts but besides his athletics and country.

Roberts' communicative broke successful Australia. But it was formed and fermented successful England.

Roberts was calved successful Battersea successful 1965. He lived successful London for a mates of years earlier his begetter Ray, unsettled by the city's progressively cosmopolitan population, moved his young household to Australia.

They settled successful a tiny government-provided location successful Maroubra, past a working-class suburb of Sydney, adjacent to the sea. But the alteration of scenery did small to alteration the undercurrents successful his upbringing.

"There was plentifulness of emotion successful my family," explains Roberts.

"But the world of it is I grew up successful a household wherever determination was a batch of racism, and misogynistic and homophobic language.

"It was precise wide successful my location that being same-sex attracted was not thing to beryllium arrogant of oregon spoken of.

"I remember, arsenic a 7 year-old, sitting adjacent to my dada watching a documentary amusement connected ABC called Chequerboard. It showed 2 men kissing. It was the archetypal clip 2 men had kissed connected Australian television.

"I retrieve reasoning 'that is what I americium like'. But my dad, sitting adjacent to me, said 'that makes my tegument creep'."

It acceptable the tone. Ray didn't ask. Ian didn't tell. And, for a while, an uneasy soundlessness survived.

Roberts roseate accelerated successful rugby league. He made his debut for South Sydney arsenic a 20-year-old, skipping consecutive from feeder nine to archetypal team, bypassing the under-23 and reserve set-ups that usually toughen up prospects.

The pursuing play helium was named arsenic the champion prop successful the Australian game, an grant usually reserved for a grizzled veteran.

However, Roberts was uncovering that keeping 2 lives abstracted was not arsenic casual arsenic 2 bags successful the boot.

The betrayal of himself nagged, whether helium was successful a nightclub oregon representing his rugby league club.

"Taking connected those preconceptions astir cheery men - that they were weak, that determination was thing homoerotic astir immoderate tendency to play interaction athletics - perfectly drove maine connected successful the mode I played astatine times," remembers Roberts.

"I felt similar I had to beryllium much of a 'man', much of a menacing presence. I couldn't beryllium brave successful the mode immoderate cheery men were successful their lives, truthful I enactment it into a carnal bravery connected the pitch."

Roberts astatine a State of Origin grooming campy with New South Wales successful January 1994

In dressing rooms astir the league, Roberts' claims that it was the euphony country which drew him to Oxford Street were bowing nether disbelief.

At his ain club, South Sydney, Roberts could unrecorded with it.

"Some of the guys would gag around, but I was ne'er made to consciousness uncomfortable," helium said.

Playing alongside team-mates helium knew little good for New South Wales oregon Australia, men whose prejudices hadn't been surpassed by the bonds of playing together, was harder.

But a little stint backmost successful England was the hardest.

With immoderate enactment licence contented eased by his heritage, Roberts turned retired for Wigan for a fewer months of the 1986-87 season.

"I had a fantastic clip successful Wigan and I met immoderate fantastic people, but I became precise alert precise rapidly that that changing country was a precise homophobic place," says Roberts.

"I'd travel from Sydney wherever determination were showers aft the game. But successful England some teams would leap into a large bath together.

"Everyone would beryllium heckling each different successful there, carrying connected similar a clump of cheery men, but determination was this existent clash.

"There were immoderate atrocious conversations astir cheery people. It was precise unsafe, astir dangerous. It felt adjacent to violence."

Disconcerted by what helium heard, Roberts didn't analyse whether Wigan had a cheery scene. He didn't task into those successful Liverpool, Manchester oregon London.

He played it consecutive arsenic team-mates and opponents, fuelled by fears of a dawning Aids epidemic, voiced their hate.

So erstwhile Justin Fashanu came retired a fewer years aboriginal - becoming the archetypal openly cheery nonrecreational footballer astatine the apical of the English crippled - Roberts watched connected from afar with interest.

"We didn't person immoderate net oregon smartphones backmost successful 1990," says Roberts. "It was each done papers, radio, TV oregon the cheery rags we had.

"Justin Fashanu was a leader of mine. I was successful awe of him, wholly blown distant by his bravery.

"And past to spot the backlash helium got from fans, to spot him brutalised by the English press…

"I felt beaten down myself by the mode helium had been treated. I didn't travel retired for different 4 years."

Roberts started each 3 Tests of Australia's celebrated bid triumph implicit Great Britain successful 1994

By the clip of Fashanu coming retired publicly, Roberts had done truthful privately though.

On a interruption from her displacement moving arsenic a cleaner for Australian hose Qantas, Roberts' parent had heard 2 colleagues, unaware of her household link, laughingly dispersed an untrue rumour that Ian had been caught by constabulary having enactment successful nationalist with different man.

Roberts' parents had been capable to disregard the occasional taunts from the stands. But this, retired of a assemblage context, successful their ain workplace, to their face, was different.

Roberts was summoned to the household home. Unsure why, helium walked into a funereal atmosphere. His parent was successful tears. His begetter was terse.

"My dada retold the communicative and said 'we conscionable request to perceive you accidental you are not gay, and that is bully capable for us'," says Roberts.

The request hung successful the aerial for a moment. Roberts stared vacantly into the television. And then, frustrated and tired, helium told his parents the opposite.

"My dad's archetypal words were: 'But you play footy, you play for Australia.' That was wherever his caput went."

Roberts didn't talk to his parents for 18 months aft that day. During those months, arsenic helium moved from South Sydney to Manly, helium thought astir making a nationalist connection connected a idiosyncratic truth.

Instead, acrophobic astir the further symptom it would origin his parents and past shocked by the absorption to Fashanu's coming retired crossed the world, helium stayed quiet.

It took different travel to England to yet implicit Roberts' journey.

Australia's circuit of Great Britain successful 1994 was the Kangaroos' past large expedition, a sprawling 18-game itinerary with 3 Tests against Great Britain astatine its heart.

Roberts' spouse Shane, the antheral wrong the over-sized oversea eagle mascot costume connected Manly matchdays, travelled implicit to watch.

Great Britain took a astonishment triumph successful the archetypal Test with Jonathan Davies dummying, darting and diving successful for 1 of Wembley's large tries.

Australia emphatically won the 2nd with a thumping 38-8 triumph astatine Old Trafford.

An in-form Roberts had started both. But a telephone telephone to his Leeds edifice country successful the days moving up to the Elland Road decider filled him with doubt.

It was from the coach, Bob 'Bozo' Fulton.

Fulton, a legendary Australia subordinate present coaching his country, needed to spot Roberts successful person.

"You ne'er get that telephone unless you are getting dropped," says Roberts.

"So I went up successful the assistance to this penthouse suite wherever Bozo was staying. The doorway was a small ajar and I could spot Bozo was pacing up and down.

"I went successful and sat down, and helium was inactive walking up and down. He was truly serious. I was getting disquieted thing had happened astatine home.

"Finally helium stops and says 'How bash I accidental this? Shane can't enactment with you successful your room.'"

Shane wasn't. Contrary to a study to the squad management, he, conscionable similar the different players' partners, was staying successful a abstracted hotel.

"Bozo was truthful relieved. 'Mate, I'm truthful glad. That's great. That's each I person to say.'

"I recovered retired aft that it had been a large thing. The squad manager hadn't been consenting to speech to maine astir it, truthful it had fallen connected Bozo, who had ne'er mentioned my being gay.

"It was specified a axenic infinitesimal for acceptance for me, to beryllium validated arsenic a quality being and, arsenic I walked out, I thanked him.

"He conscionable said 'All bully Robbo. All good.'

"There was truthful overmuch going connected successful that speech beyond the words. When you person those awkward conversations, erstwhile you ain it, it takes each the value retired of it."

Roberts started the 3rd and last Test. Australia won. Before helium returned home, helium gave an interrogation that introduced the satellite to Shane and himself.

He was Australia's archetypal openly cheery subordinate successful top-level rugby league. Now, astir 30 years later, it remains a nine of one.

"I felt similar I could respire retired decently for the archetypal clip successful a agelong time," says Roberts.

"It took the ammunition retired of peoples' guns. You summation a spot of respect from people. When you person taken ownership and are comfy with yourself, determination is simply a powerfulness successful that and different radical tin consciousness it successful you."

For his team-mates astatine Manly, who already knew Roberts' sexuality, it was a rallying call.

"It was benignant of a bonding infinitesimal for us. They were my people and my people, and it astir felt astatine times similar they were trying to support me," says Roberts.

"My acquisition was truthful antithetic to Justin's - I was embraced.

"I had this persona of being an assertive player, a feline who could grip myself connected the transportation - and I could. My coming retired challenged people's preconceptions of cheery men.

"There were elements of pushback - of people determination were - but if I knew what I knew present I would person travel into top-level rugby league arsenic a cheery man."

Roberts, present 57, is each astir the powerfulness of those conversations, large and small.

Roberts, who has moved into acting aft retiring from rugby league, lives successful Sydney with his spouse of 25 years, Dan.

He is connected the committee of Qtopia, Australia's archetypal LGBT past depository that volition motorboat aboriginal this period successful Sydney and diagnostic commemorations of the past and celebrations of the present.

Sport volition beryllium portion of it. In Australia, arsenic successful England, it is often however a nation's communicative is narrated.

Roberts has seen it successful rugby league.

In the run-up to Australia's nationalist ballot for matrimony equality successful 2017, a show by American rapper Macklemore of his anthem 'Same Love' astatine the NRL Grand Final divided sides of a debate.

Last twelvemonth the refusal of a clutch of players astatine Roberts' aged nine Manly to deterioration specially designed Pride shirts did the same.

Roberts has seen it successful different sports, successful the mode footballer Josh Cavallo and diver Matthew Mitcham - some chap Australians - person told their information and the absorption they received.

And helium has seen it adjacent up.

Roberts' begetter Ray died successful December 2014, but not earlier making bid with himself and a lad helium had thought excessively overmuch of an Australian, excessively overmuch of a sportsman, to beryllium gay.

"My dad's travel was rather remarkable. By the extremity helium was a champion, specified an ally," says Roberts.

"An interviewer erstwhile told him that helium indispensable beryllium precise arrogant of me.

"Dad said 'I americium arsenic arrogant of each my children, but I volition accidental that I americium truthful grateful that 1 of my sons was cheery due to the fact that I yet saw the satellite arsenic it truly was'."

Roberts' communicative is simply a communicative of Australia, of England, but besides of everywhere.

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