Infertility made me feel guilty, says TV newsreader

News presenter Andrea Byrne has said she feared her hubby would beryllium "better off" without her during the couple's seven-year acquisition of infertility.

Byrne, 45, who is joined to erstwhile Wales rugby planetary Lee Byrne, 44, has presented Welsh and web quality for ITV since 2008.

"You consciousness truthful guilty," recalled Byrne, who was told by doctors that she would apt ne'er beryllium capable to transportation her ain pregnancy.

"I retrieve those feelings each the clip of reasoning [Lee] would beryllium amended disconnected without me."

The mates gave commencement to their girl Jemima, who "defied science" by being conceived naturally, successful 2019.

"I consciousness precise conscious erstwhile I'm telling my story, that possibly it's easier to archer due to the fact that we did get the ending that we had," said Byrne.

"But I inactive consciousness it's important to speech about, due to the fact that I cognize however lonely we were during that journey."

After getting joined connected New Year's Day successful 2012, Byrne said she and her hubby began trying to get large consecutive away.

"We were some astatine the commencement of our 30s," she said. "I didn’t person immoderate crushed to deliberation determination would beryllium issues."

After a while, they went to a fertility session for tests.

An ultrasound revealed an contented with the thickness of Byrne's womb lining, which she described successful her caller publication Desperate Rants and Magic Pants arsenic an "unfixable uncommon familial defect".

"It’s the benignant of quality that you don’t expect to hear," Byrne told the BBC.

Years of intrusive tests and procedures followed, including aggregate rounds of IVF.

"To beryllium honest, the fig of cycles, I couldn’t adjacent archer you," she said.

"We besides tried tons of antithetic things connected apical of the IVF, things that we were advised mightiness enactment from antithetic specialists.

"We besides had immoderate affirmative gestation tests and thought we were pregnant, but unluckily we had losses arsenic well.

"So it was a existent rollercoaster of emotion."

Byrne said the years of trying to conceive besides took a toll connected her narration with her husband.

"I similar to deliberation that we're truly beardown due to the fact that of it, but boy, astatine the clip it's truly difficult," she said.

"There are times erstwhile we wondered however we would enactment together," added Byrne, "because it's truthful hard emotionally".

"I retrieve I utilized to accidental to Lee, and helium utilized to get rather transverse with me, due to the fact that I utilized to accidental 'oh conscionable spell and find idiosyncratic else, idiosyncratic other could bash this much easily, conscionable spell and find different woman'.

"And helium would accidental to maine 'goodness, we are successful this together'."

Doctors yet told the mates their lone anticipation was surrogacy and, successful 2018, they began exploring the anticipation of uncovering a surrogate successful the USA.

In her book, Byrne describes uncovering retired conscionable minutes earlier she was owed to contiguous the evening quality that nary of the embryos they hoped to usage for a surrogate were viable.

She wrote: "I look astatine my tear-streaked reflection successful the mirror, spot up the damaged foundation, respire deeply, locomotion retired of the dressing room, enactment connected a grin and locomotion done a engaged newsroom, and connected to the set."

Byrne said that infinitesimal felt similar the extremity of the road.

"We had a speech aft that quality and decided we'd determination connected and physique different beingness together," she said.

"I get truly affectional astir it, due to the fact that I felt truthful blameworthy astir not being capable to bash what each different pistillate could do."

But conscionable a fewer months later, against each the odds, Byrne fell large naturally.

"Amazingly, we fell large again, and this clip it was Jemima. It was unbelievable really," said Byrne.

"We were without anticipation and they said the chances are you volition ne'er beryllium capable to transportation your ain pregnancy.

"So she [Jemima] truly did defy everybody, each the aesculapian proposal we’d been given, she came on and said 'nope, I'm going to marque it through'."

Byrne, who besides hosts the Making Babies fertility podcast, said penning her publication was "emotional" and "in a mode cathartic".

"I cognize it’s a spot of a cliched connection but it does supply a small spot of closure too, I guess," she said.

The publication includes chapters reflecting the fertility experiences of a fig of different celebrities who person appeared connected Byrne's podcast, including presenter Gabby Logan and comedian Geoff Norcott.

"I look astatine Jemima each azygous time and I’m conscionable truthful grateful," said Byrne.

"I’m gladsome that I americium able, hopefully, to usage my level to hopefully person a affirmative effect and possibly assistance different radical consciousness little isolated."

Asked if she had immoderate proposal for others experiencing infertility, Byrne said she wished she had been kinder to herself.

"I deliberation it’s precise casual erstwhile you get immoderate atrocious quality astir a cycle, oregon you're having a atrocious clip dealing with it, that you catastrophise and deliberation 10 steps ahead," she said.

"And earlier you cognize it you’ve written disconnected immoderate accidental of anything, which is precise casual to bash due to the fact that it feels truthful hopeless.

"Nobody cognize what’s going to hap 10 steps down the road, truthful conscionable effort and woody with what's happening successful that moment. I privation I'd done that more.

"And besides been a spot kinder to ourselves, and yourself successful the process. Take that clip to find small bits of joyousness wherever you tin and instrumentality clip retired if you request to from it.

"Because it tin beryllium each consuming, friendships-wise, family-wise, it affects everything. So you truly request to beryllium benignant to yourself."