Man abused by girlfriend banned from using toilet

A antheral who was kicked and punched, made to slumber connected the level and refused entree to a toilet by his abusive ex-girlfriend says helium wants to archer his communicative to assistance different victims.

Gareth Jones, 41, says it took much than a twelvemonth of therapy to statesman to retrieve from months of affectional and carnal maltreatment from a pistillate helium met online successful July 2021.

A foundation whose helpline helium turned to said antheral home maltreatment is not arsenic uncommon arsenic immoderate radical whitethorn deliberation - and 1 successful six oregon 7 men volition beryllium a unfortunate successful their lifetime.

The Mankind Initiative besides recovered that each year, 1 successful 25 men volition endure astatine the hands of a spouse successful Wales.

Earlier this year, 41-year-old Sarah Rigby, from Winsford successful Cheshire, was fixed a 20-month situation sentence suspended for 2 years, astatine Chester Crown Court, aft pleading blameworthy to coercive and controlling behaviour.

Det Con Sophie Ward of Cheshire Police's described Rigby having a "stranglehold" implicit her victim, adding: "Many radical deliberation that lone women tin beryllium victims of controlling and coercive behaviour, but arsenic this lawsuit demonstrates, that is not ever the case."

The NHS manager, primitively from Pontypridd, Rhondda Cynon Taf, described being isolated from friends and household during their 9 period relationship, losing power of his finances and astir £40,000.

He was subjected to regular verbal maltreatment and humiliation - not allowed to usage the toilet successful the location oregon ablution without Rigby's permission.

Strict controls connected his fare meant helium mislaid 4.5 chromatic (28kg) successful 2 months, portion Rigby repeatedly told hime she would archer the constabulary helium had assaulted her if helium spoke to anyone astir the abuse.

Speaking 5 months aft the sentencing, helium said astatine archetypal the narration seemed "normal", though successful hindsight helium could spot that she was "overly affectionate".

"I conjecture they telephone it emotion bombing," helium said.

"I thought 'how tin this idiosyncratic beryllium truthful loving?'.

"I deliberation it takes you aback... you deliberation this could truly beryllium the one, and this could enactment out.

"It was overly powerful."

He gave up his flat and moved successful to Rigby's location conscionable 4 months aft they met. It was past the maltreatment accelerated.

Rigby made him wage for each the clip helium antecedently spent astatine the house.

He besides paid £700 a period successful rent, positive each the bills, but was not allowed a key, and could lone beryllium successful the spot erstwhile she was home.

Restrictions were besides placed connected his usage of the bathroom, and what helium could and could not eat.

"She made maine slumber connected the level with nary covers if things weren't going her way, arsenic a punishment," helium said.

"I wasn't allowed to ablution oregon shave, oregon usage the toilet.

"I had to clasp it successful and effort to marque it down to the section supermarket oregon a pub oregon a restaurant.

"If she wanted to spell out, I had to leave, adjacent if I was trying to work."

Rigby would spell done his phone, and archer him not to subordinate with household and friends, telling him "you are with maine now".

Any texts helium sent his mum, helium would delete instantly to debar repercussions.

There was carnal abuse, including biting, kicking, scratching and clawing.

He described an juncture successful London connected a agelong weekend, erstwhile Rigby demanded helium bargain her a decorator handbag.

"We were successful Harrods and she said 'we're not leaving until you bargain maine thing expensive'," helium said.

"She clawed maine done my jumper, my limb was really bleeding, until she forced maine into buying thing costly for her."

Five months aft helium moved successful with Rigby, things came to a caput erstwhile helium met his mum successful concealed for a cupful of coffee.

"She broke down successful beforehand of me," helium said.

"I thought 'I can't enactment my household though it immoderate longer'... they were imploring maine to leave."

Around that time, Gareth made a telephone to the Mankind Initiative.

They confirmed helium was suffering home unit - and proceeding it from idiosyncratic neutral helped him recognize helium needed to get out.

Gareth's mum Diane Debens said the household was "proud" of him for speaking out.

She said it enactment a immense strain connected them, adding: "You spell done a gamut of emotions.

"There's frustration. You privation to shingle them and accidental 'just get retired of this'.

"You cognize they are going done pain. It's your child, nary substance what age. And you consciousness helpless, really."

Ms Debens said they would spot Gareth with bruises, which helium would brushwood off, and connected 1 occasion, a chopped crossed his nose.

"I couldn't judge that 1 quality being could dainty different quality being similar this," she added.

Mankind Initiative president Mark Brooks praised Gareth's bravery successful telling his story, and said the acquisition of men similar him is not often heard about.

"There isn't overmuch astir antheral victims of home abuse," helium said.

"It's not often talked about.

"So determination isn't ever that awareness, adjacent for men that home maltreatment really does and tin really hap to them."

Both Gareth and his mum anticipation helium volition consciousness acceptable to find emotion successful the future, but helium says helium is not determination yet.

Gareth near his abuser with "only the apparel connected my back" and has had to commencement from scratch financially, marque a caller home, and physique friendships backmost up - not to notation enactment helium has had to enactment successful rebuilding himself.

"It knocked my assurance for a agelong time... I had debased self-esteem due to the fact that of the changeless abuse," helium said.

"I had to spell done therapy."

He added determination is simply a stigma astir men talking astir being abused - and wanted to archer his communicative to effort and alteration that.

If you've been affected by the issues successful this story, assistance and enactment is disposable via the BBC Action Line.