Though I ne'er strayed excessively acold from my faith, I began to instrumentality it much earnestly successful assemblage and research my puerility religion arsenic an adult. This renewal led to breathtaking changes: I transferred to a caller school, made caller friends, and got progressive with retreats and different faith-based programs.
As with galore converting to a caller religion oregon uncovering their religion again, I wanted to travel the rules. Rules springiness structure. Rules acceptable boundaries. Rules assistance you to cognize the close choices to make. I rapidly moved, however, from a steadfast acknowledgment of the rules to scrupulosity—an excessive interest for these rules, affecting however I approached and lived my faith, including reception of the Eucharist.
Because the Eucharist is the “source and summit” of Christian faith, it is earthy that the sacrament is surrounded by teachings and guidelines. A constituent of accent for maine was interest that I would autumn into a “state of sin” alternatively of retaining a “state of grace.” Was I receiving the Eucharist successful a authorities of misdeed and thereby committing different sin?
This 1 interest led to others. When did I past spell to Confession? Was I adjacent atrocious capable then? Have I since cursed excessively? Mistreated a household member? Used the Lord’s sanction successful vain? Worshiped a aureate calf? Sold authorities secrets? Committed racketeering (I don’t adjacent cognize what that is…)? The database went on.
And however astir receiving the Eucharist itself? At a location Mass once, I accidentally dropped a portion of the Eucharist connected the ground. After Mass ended, my parents’ person picked up the fragment and placed it successful his mouth. I admired his example, but to debar repeating the situation, I tried to envelop the full wafer successful my mouth, astir unhinging my jaw similar a python, acrophobic to suffer immoderate particles of the Host. Needless to say, the Eucharist provided much accent than peace.
A person erstwhile shared that, arsenic a kid, she expressed her religion successful the Real Presence by whispering to her ma aft receiving Communion, “I got a portion of Jesus’ foot,” or, “Got an elbow this time.” I recovered this wont amusing; her ma did not. While a small disconcerting, if we are honest, we person to admit that my person was connected to something, right? The Eucharist is Jesus.
Gradually, this world dawned connected my medieval, self-flagellating, small soul. While sacred, the Eucharist is not a divine trap, poised to outpouring connected the unworthy. “It” is simply a Person. A Person who did not condemn a pistillate caught successful adultery. A Person who invited Himself to a taxation collector’s location without asking him to change. A Person who forgave His ain murderers portion they were successful the precise enactment of sidesplitting Him.
A clergyman erstwhile told maine that the Eucharist is astir a relationship. This narration cannot beryllium earned, but is freely given, conscionable arsenic Christ gave of Himself successful each His interactions with each kinds of flawed individuals. As Pope Francis said, “The Eucharist … is not a prize for the cleanable but a almighty medicine and nourishment for the weak” (Evangelii Gaudium, 47).
During Mass, I present effort to absorption connected God and listen. I effort to person the Eucharist reverently, but without stressing astir losing transubstantiated atoms, (I fig Christ has forgiven worse). I besides nary longer excessively comb done my sins; doing truthful obsessively focuses attraction connected maine much than connected God, which leads to an inverted narcissism. I volition ne'er beryllium perfect, but that is nary much of an impediment to my narration with Christ than it was to His Biblical contemporaries. As St. Thérèse of Lisieux said, “Our faults cannot wounded God. Nor volition our failures interfere with our ain holiness” for “genuine holiness is precisely a substance of enduring our ain imperfections patiently.”
As we travel towards holiness, fto america not obsess connected our idiosyncratic holiness— oregon deficiency thereof—but connected the Person we conscionable each week successful the Eucharist.
This nonfiction appeared successful the February 2023 variation of The Catholic Telegraph Magazine. For your complimentary subscription, click here.
English (US)