'My voice is needed': Going solo after leaving one of the UK's biggest podcasts

Just implicit a twelvemonth ago, Milena Sanchez abruptly near 1 of the UK's astir palmy podcasts successful a divided that seemed to daze everyone - adjacent her co-hosts.

For 7 years, she'd built The Receipts alongside Audrey Indome and Tolani Shoneye, collecting much than 100,000 play listeners connected the way.

Speaking to BBC Newsbeat, Milena says quitting was a hard determination but her intelligence wellness had deteriorated to a constituent wherever she couldn't transportation on.

"It wasn't 1 I took lightly - adjacent though it mightiness person seemed similar that," says Milena, 33.

Audrey and Tolani said successful January they were blindsided by Milena's determination to permission but Milena claimed it came aft a rift that had lasted for years.

There were besides rumours - denied by the podcasters - that Milena was bullied and squeezed retired of the group.

"Ultimately, I had to beryllium existent to who I was and region myself from that space," Milena tells Newsbeat.

The Receipts, which started successful 2016 and signed a lucrative exclusive woody with Spotify successful 2019, has astir 100,000 play listeners connected Spotify.

"Financially, I could've unopen my rima and stayed and collected the bag," says Milena.

"But for me, it's not astir that. It meant much to maine - my intelligence health, my integrity and who I americium arsenic a person, and to not merchantability thing that wasn't true.

"It's not easy, and particularly erstwhile I bash person a girl that depends connected me."

Milena says her daughter, who was conscionable 1 twelvemonth aged erstwhile The Receipts started and is present astir 10, helped her find the courageousness to quit.

"I truly had to beryllium down with myself and ask, if my girl came to maine with the aforesaid predicament, what would beryllium my effect to her?" Milena says.

"My effect wouldn't beryllium to enactment determination conscionable due to the fact that of money. It would conscionable be, 'choose yourself'.

"You lone unrecorded erstwhile and I cognize it sounds truthful clichéd, but you can't beryllium stuck successful a abstraction wherever you conscionable don't consciousness happy."

Milena says her twelvemonth since quitting The Receipts has been a "whirlwind".

She says she near London to unrecorded successful the countryside and prosecute euphony and writing, but realised she was missing podcasting.

"There's been a batch of reflecting, a batch of self-analysing," says Milena.

"Ultimately I had to accidental to myself: I emotion speaking, my dependable is precise needed."

Milena says she had to flooded a batch of self-doubt earlier launching her ain solo podcast.

"I was frightened to enactment this podcast out.

"I felt similar I'm conscionable going to beryllium successful my location talking. It doesn't consciousness large enough, it doesn't consciousness glitzy enough.

"But it doesn't substance wherever it's coming from," Milena says she told herself.

"You started from from the crushed before, truthful let's spell again."

Since she launched solo task Milena's Diary astatine the extremity of September, she says she's been "overwhelmed" by the response.

"It reminded me, 'this is wherefore you are here. This is your purpose'."

But "it was precise hard to commencement again from the crushed up," she says - and decidedly a alteration of gait from The Receipts.

There, "I had a team," she says.

"We had production, we had societal media people, idiosyncratic that edited the podcasts.

"All I had to bash was crook up and speech and that's it.

"Now doing this solo, I'm doing everything myself. I'm a one-man band."

Previously, she was 1 of 3 presenters bouncing disconnected each different and not having that has been a "hard" transition.

"I truly bash bask being connected episodes with different radical due to the fact that you bash bounce back, there's different stories that are triggered successful your caput and it's nice," she says.

"But I consciousness similar having that clip unsocial to self-reflect and to conscionable speech is besides precise important."

Milena says she uses her podcast "as therapy" and she feels much authentically herself than ever.

She's besides spent the past twelvemonth releasing euphony leaning into her Colombian practice and queer identity.

"My civilization is truthful ingrained successful me, adjacent though I was calved successful London," she says.

"And I'm a queer pistillate truthful I'm going to speech connected that openly and precise proudly."

Looking backmost connected the past year, "I consciousness truthful overmuch happier," Milena says.

"I americium successful a abstraction wherever I person done truthful overmuch enactment connected myself, truthful overmuch self-reflection and taking accountability for things I don't deliberation that I would've a mates of years back.

"I'm conscionable truthful grateful to myself for making the decisions I person made."

And contempt the nationalist statements earlier this year, Milena says she lone wants the champion for her erstwhile co-hosts Tolani and Audrey, who continued The Receipts arsenic a duo.

"I ever privation the girls the implicit best," she says.

"And they're doing truly well."