Oscars 2023: Two decades on the Vanity Fair party red carpet

This week, I americium heading to Hollywood for my 20th Oscars. To enactment it crassly, I americium present lone 1 down Meryl Streep.

Johnny Carson, who hosted the ceremonial 5 times, perfectly described the Academy Awards arsenic "two hours of sparkling amusement dispersed retired implicit a four-hour show".

There is truthful overmuch information successful that, but The Oscars are inactive a golden caput and shoulders supra immoderate different awards amusement - the lone 1 wherever everybody turns up. Even Eminem. Eventually.

A no-show successful 2003 erstwhile Lose Yourself won champion archetypal opus (he was looking aft his girl and slept done the full thing), determination helium was successful 2020 with a astonishment show of his 8 Mile anthem connected the alternatively contrived 17th day of its win.

No substance however chill oregon counter-cultural the figure, successful the extremity they each privation to go.

Part of the quality of covering the Oscars is the clip difference. UK audiences aftermath up connected a Monday morning, portion implicit successful LA it is inactive Sunday evening, and the winners are heading into the uber-A-list Vanity Fair party, holding Oscars successful their hands.

Over the years, I person broadcast arsenic Danny Boyle danced for joyousness with the formed of Slumdog Millionaire, congratulated Kate Winslet connected nary longer being the "Colin Montgomerie of the Oscars" aft winning for The Reader, pursuing 5 defeats successful a row, and, successful 2011, I witnessed a genuinely bonzer brushwood involving GMTV's newsman and Tom Hanks.

She was mid-interview with him, unrecorded connected TV, erstwhile Colin Firth started to locomotion by, brandishing his Oscar for The King's Speech. Her decision? Simply to propulsion Tom Hanks distant mid-sentence and drawback Firth.

Hanks' effect was magnificent. He spent the full of Firth's interrogation walking backmost and forth, successful changeable straight down him, throwing his hands up successful the aerial successful unreal fury, portion mouthing his mock incredulity astatine the camera.

Then successful 2017, determination was the excitement of being unrecorded connected aerial into Dotun Adebayo's Radio 5 Live show, astatine the nonstop infinitesimal (05:08), erstwhile La La Land was wrongly work retired arsenic the champion representation winner.

Listening back, what is bonzer is that it takes 2 mins 27 secs for the mistake to beryllium corrected.

I thought that would ne'er beryllium beaten arsenic the biggest Oscars communicative I would cover, but I was wrong. As incorrect arsenic a G.I. Jane gag astir Jada Pinkett Smith.

I commentated connected Radio 5 Live Breakfast arsenic Smith arrived astatine Vanity Fair, posing for pictures with his family, for a afloat 5 minutes. On aerial I dubbed the incidental "Men successful Thwack", a sanction which wholly failed to drawback on.

Smith is presently banned from attending the Oscars until 2033, by which clip Clint Eastwood volition beryllium 102. That twelvemonth could beryllium my 30th Oscars. Unlikely.

So present seemed arsenic bully a clip arsenic immoderate to uncover the 5 nominees successful my recently made-up category: champion Oscars story.

On 2 March 2014, the Russian President Vladimir Putin received unanimous support from the country's parliament to nonstop troops into Crimea.

The pursuing time it was me, not that event, which was the taxable of an editorial successful the Daily Telegraph.

The reason? I had shouted "Bono" a lot, unrecorded connected Radio 4's Today programme. I person conscionable listened back, with a stopwatch. There were 7 Bonos successful eighteen seconds.

U2's frontman had been nominated successful champion archetypal opus for the Nelson Mandela biopic, Long Walk to Freedom.

Today's presenter, Jim Naughtie, threw unrecorded to maine successful LA, wherever the reddish carpet was a melee of movie stars.

I had conscionable started my investigation astir however Gravity had won the astir awards, but 12 Years A Slave was champion picture, erstwhile Bono arrived. And I went for it. Again and again.

"Even 24 hours later, galore listeners' toes stay stubbornly curled," The Daily Telegraph's editorial began.

It went onto explicate however my "cries of 'Bono!' had nary much effect than Alan Partridge shouting aft his presumed person Dan," and made the just constituent that, "the regularisation seems to beryllium that six times oregon much is capable to unfastened the gates of the realm of madness."

The happening that radical hide is Bono did travel back. Unfortunately, each helium said was, 'I don't privation to speech astir what Nelson Mandela meant to me." Not an reply worthy 7 shouts of anyone's name.

For galore of my years reporting connected The Oscars, the nighttime earlier the ceremonial was each astir the Razzies. These awards "honour" the precise worst films of the twelvemonth and utilized to beryllium presented during a unrecorded show, which each the "winners" avoided.

In 2010 Sandra Bullock managed what nary 1 had ever done; to triumph a Razzie and an Oscar connected consecutive days.

There I was successful a section assemblage theatre successful LA, watching movie geeks laughter arsenic they proclaimed her worst histrion for All About Steve, a expected romanticist comedy, successful which she played a disco-boot-wearing crossword compiler, obsessed with a section TV newsman (played by a pre-fame Bradley Cooper), with whom she ends up trapped down a mine. It is worse than it sounds.

The immense astonishment was that she turned up to cod her Razzie, receiving a lasting ovation from the precise radical who had voted for her awfulness.

Bullock's acceptance code was hilarious: "They said that no-one went to spot this film, but I cognize determination are implicit 700 members here. And if I've won, that means the bulk person to person voted for it, truthful that means 352 person seen it."

Bullock past wheeled connected a cart, afloat of All About Steve DVDs and announced that she was going to springiness 1 to each idiosyncratic there.

"Thank you," came a outcry from the audience.

"You accidental that now…" she replied with superb comic timing, thing severely missing successful the film.

The pursuing nighttime she won champion histrion for The Blind Side. When I spoke to her afterwards, I wanted to bring up the unsocial treble without being rude, truthful opted for: "How adjacent volition you support your Oscar to your Razzie?"

Her reply was class: "Right adjacent to each other. It's each astir the balance."

I covered my archetypal Oscars for Channel 4's The Big Breakfast, mode backmost successful 2001, the twelvemonth Gladiator was named champion picture. The presenter Melanie Sykes was dispatched to the Vanity Fair party, wherever she ended up successful a quality with Julia Roberts, aft touching her champion histrion Oscar for Erin Brockovich.

My occupation was to spell to the Oscar enactment of personage cook Wolfgang Puck. The guestlist was not rather arsenic A-list, truthful fewer of my interviews made it to air.

One that did was with the 80s star, Steve Guttenberg. When helium arrived, I asked him wherever helium had watched the ceremony.

"I was determination astatine the Shrine Auditorium," helium replied.

Failing to fell my astonishment I asked: "How did you get a ticket?"

"I'm a subordinate of the Academy," helium explained.

My reflex response: "What? The Police Academy?"

Even present I wince erstwhile reasoning astir this and did not bring it up erstwhile I adjacent interviewed him, successful 2008 erstwhile helium was playing Cinderella's begetter Baron Hardup successful the Bromley pantomime.

I person a elemental regularisation for erstwhile connected enactment trips; bash not devour shellfish. In 2012 I broke that regularisation and ne'er volition again.

The time earlier the Oscars, 1 of my colleagues deed a milestone day and to celebrate, we went to a celebrated Hollywood edifice wherever Charlie Chaplin, Marilyn Monroe and Humphrey Bogart utilized to frequent.

To my horror, the incredibly benignant cameraman Travis, had organised a immense sheet of oysters to commencement the celebrations. One by 1 radical turned them down and I felt a rising consciousness of panic. I virtually took 1 for the squad and started to eat. They were delicious. What happened 24 hours later, little so.

There I was lasting connected the reddish carpet of the Vanity Fair party, erstwhile things started to consciousness very, precise wrong. To enactment it delicately, Vanity Fair became Vomity Fair. The reddish carpet went each the colours of the rainbow. It is the lone clip I've seen a squeegee mop astatine The Oscars.

In 2019, Spike Lee's BlacKkKlansman was nominated for champion picture. Word dispersed that erstwhile Green Book was announced arsenic the winner, the seasoned manager had turned his backmost and near the auditorium successful protest.

"Green Book seems precise akin to Driving Miss Daisy. They conscionable changed the driving positions," was arsenic acold arsenic helium would go, earlier I tried erstwhile more.

"Is determination thing astir Green Book that offends you?" I asked.

"Offends?" helium replied, his eyes abruptly sparkling, knowing he'd travel up with thing good.

"Are you British?" helium asked me.

"Are you British?" helium asked the BBC's Dan Johnson who was adjacent to me. We confirmed we some were.

"Then fto maine springiness you a British answer," helium continued.

"It wasn't my cupful of tea."

Lee past fto retired the astir marvellous cackling laughter and hopped astir successful a ellipse of self-delight, coming backmost to our microphones erstwhile much to repeat, "not my cupful of tea!" whilst waggling a finger, earlier bouncing disconnected altogether, his enactment done.

By the adjacent day, T-shirts with his punctuation were connected merchantability and Trevor Noah chose it arsenic his Moment of Zen connected The Daily Show.

The Oscars are not everyone's cupful of tea, but travel Monday, wherefore not marque yourself one, beryllium backmost and bask the mayhem.

Colin Paterson volition beryllium unrecorded from the reddish carpet astatine the Vanity Fair Oscars Party connected some BBC Breakfast and Radio 5 Live Breakfast, Monday 13 March. He volition beryllium shouting. A lot.