The antheral was dressed successful stiff caller Carhartts, a reddish flannel garment and sheepskin vest. At his feet laic a mutt of disputable parentage—part pointer dog, portion pit bull, a smattering of Labrador retriever. She laic uncomfortably, which I noticed was owed to a bloated belly. Her ample brownish eyes were misty with cataracts, her brushed muzzle tested the air. As I came retired of the introspection country wherever I’d near my ain pup for a teeth cleaning, I caught show of her lying connected the level astatine her master’s feet. He held her leash loosely and gazed crossed the waiting country successful the absorption of the receptionist’s desk, oblivious to the beingness of the animal. Every present and past she looked up astatine him, past down again astatine the floor.
“She’s a beauty,” I said. It was antithetic for maine to remark connected different people’s dogs and I wondered wherefore I had, but the words were out. The antheral returned from his reverie for lone agelong capable to motion his head, past went backmost to dreaming. “What’s her name?” I asked, again astonishing myself. The antheral was not 1 for conversation, surely I could consciousness that.
“Monique,” helium said.
“She’s a beauty.”
The canine regarded me; the antheral did not. I kept myself from saying more. The antheral didn’t invitation it.
I person often wondered what it would beryllium similar to beryllium a man. This antheral was physically contiguous successful the country yet astatine the aforesaid time, obscurity successful sight. He was neither aged nor young, middle-forties, with a bully caput of curly brownish hairsbreadth (the colour of his dog’s eyes). He was handsome enough, not overly so, and aloof. It was a unusual combination, that flimsy carnal attractiveness that had nary privation to attract. I person often wondered if men mean to pull oregon if they consciousness much comfy being attracted by. I erstwhile heard a antheral talk astir the reductive prime of attraction. He groomed his assemblage for a portion successful a play and abruptly recovered himself rippling with muscle. This drew women to him, which helium astatine archetypal recovered exhilarating and empowering, but it rapidly mislaid its charm. The pursuer became the pursued, the predator turned prey. I considered Monique’s maestro arsenic helium sat with that vacant look, examining the ceiling of the waiting room. What gave him those bare eyes? Why could helium not scope retired and laic a manus connected his dog? She did the looking for him, greeted each of america with her lingua lolling retired her rima and her dense sides heaving, portion helium turned distant and went into a spot of his own.
In the car going home, I yet understood. The antheral was determination to enactment down his dog. What kept him from touching her was his grief. If helium had stroked her belly and spoken to her, helium would person mislaid control. I saw it now. When helium had spoken her name, Monique, his eyes shone not with emotion for her but with tears. He was a bittersweet man, trying hard not to cry, and my tiny effort astatine speech had threatened his composure. I was gladsome present I hadn’t asked more, asked “What are you 2 successful for?” How would helium reply that? “I americium present to accidental goodbye to Monique”?
I felt ashamed to person noticed lone the man’s distance; to person overlooked his sorrow. But Monique, astatine least, had opened herself to me. She had seemed comfortable, welcoming of the words I sent her way. She was astir to dice from this earth. But she was present connected this earth, successful this life, for a quarter-hour more, and that was capable clip to admit adjacent the smallest gesture, the shortest syllables of praise.
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