The Life of Fred: From £10k debt and despair to successful podcaster

Freddie Nicholson was £10,000 successful debt. He gambled arsenic a distraction from his heavy slump and drank bottles of vino each time to effort to numb his feelings.

Three years ago, helium wrote notes to his household and near home, intending to extremity his life. But helium survived.

Now, the 28-year-old from Bedford is indebtedness escaped and has hopes for the future.

He has turned his experiences into a palmy podcast that is helping others.

Here, successful his ain words, helium speaks of his travel to find "peace".

It was changeless intelligence torture. A conflict with different broadside of me. Gambling and intoxicant was conscionable momentary respite from the continuous antagonistic thoughts.

Even though I knew it was atrocious for me, it inactive gave maine thing other to absorption connected different than feeling down, portion each the clip trying to beryllium comic and a character. Trying to beryllium "a man".

The gambling started connected my 18th birthday, truthful arsenic soon arsenic I was aged enough.

When I won, radical successful the betting shops would inquire for tips. It was an ego boost and I wasn't truly alert of however overmuch I was spending, but it was hundreds and hundreds each week.

Before agelong I was astatine slightest £10,000 successful indebtedness and I'd taken retired loans, which I couldn't spend to wage back, truthful I was conscionable spiralling.

I don't cognize wherefore my slump started.

Even arsenic a kid I felt anxious and down. I travel from a loving family, I've ever been fashionable and had a occupation and truthful I can't pinpoint a reason. I conjecture it's conscionable the mode I'm wired.

Losing my gramps was astir apt the infinitesimal I understood what existent symptom was. I was astir 16 oregon 17. When helium died, my full beingness changed and I was already struggling, truthful I didn't request that knock.

I hid it precise well. I lived with my mum who's the cleanable parent but I didn't privation to accent her out, truthful I would fell successful my country and not gully attraction to myself.

I'd accidental "I'm conscionable popping retired for a bit" and I would locomotion for miles and cry.

Being the joker and making everyone laughter was draining due to the fact that radical had nary thought however I really felt inside.

It reached a constituent erstwhile I had nary money, my narration was struggling and I thought, if this is what beingness is each about, I'm not definite if I tin bash it.

I didn't deliberation anyone would miss me.

One time I went out, determined to extremity my life, but, somehow, I was saved.

I came location and I broke down. My mum and my household were conscionable amazing. When you spot however overmuch symptom your nonaccomplishment would cause, you realise it's not conscionable astir you.

The adjacent day, my mum took maine to the doctors and that's wherever the betterment began.

It is difficult. You person to privation to alteration and that's hard due to the fact that with intelligence wellness you judge that you're worthless, truthful you person to person yourself that you merit happiness.

You person to radiance the reflector connected yourself and say: "Am I contributing to my ain antagonistic intelligence health?" Because it's precise casual to conscionable blasted everyone else. If you're gambling, that massively affects your intelligence health.

I called Refresh Debt and they were amazing. I was crying down the telephone to a antheral who was unbelievably kind. He conscionable listened to maine and the archetypal happening helium said was: "We're going to get you retired of this."

They played a immense portion successful my betterment due to the fact that I was connected anti-depressants and I was having therapy, but portion I was inactive successful indebtedness it was a changeless reminder of the past.

I didn't privation to beryllium the aforesaid man, truthful I changed my ineligible name. I was calved Rhys, but I took the sanction Freddie instead. That's maine now.

I started making The Life of Fred podcast truthful if I ever did thing silly, my household could inactive perceive my voice. Then it conscionable blew up.

It's my poesy and thoughts astir my beingness and intelligence health.

The episodes person present been streamed much than 10,000 times. People connection maine saying "I consciousness the aforesaid way" oregon "I've not heard a antheral speech similar that astir feelings and emotion", which is much than I could ever person dreamed.

It means everything to assistance others due to the fact that erstwhile I was low, I didn't cognize anyone other felt the aforesaid way. I didn't perceive radical speech astir intelligence health, specifically men. But if you tin perceive idiosyncratic you subordinate to, it makes it easier to deliberation there's hope.

It's not ever the quiescent friends who're struggling. Ask your "happy" person if they're OK and look successful their eyes.

If you can't archer radical you're suffering, constitute it down oregon grounds it connected your telephone and springiness it to a household member, saying "this is however I truly feel". You'd beryllium amazed however unloading that is.

The alteration successful my beingness is nighttime and day.

I ne'er thought I would beryllium blessed oregon bask life. I never, ever thought that I could spot anticipation successful the future. I ne'er expected this.

I was truthful convinced determination was nary airy astatine the extremity of the passageway but present I consciousness peaceful. It feels good.

As told to Janine Machin.